It is important to put yourself first. The only way to give support to your children throughout the divorce process is to ensure you also take care of yourself whether it is eating well, working out, or getting enough sleep. All of these are important to keep your body running, so you can be there for your children and also feel good about yourself.
After your divorce, you will have to make a choice about changing your name. The name change decision is a very personal one - whether to change your name back to your maiden name (if you changed your name when you got married) or you choose to keep your ex-husband's name. If you are considering changing your name, it may make sense to do so before going through all of the required administrative changes in your life (e.g., changing names on bills, insurance coverage, wills).
Are you concerned about what to do after divorce? There is a wide range of things to do after divorce that you need to ensure your life is in order. These tasks can range from keeping your life running on a day-to-day basis to changing names on bills to ensuring your insurance coverage is in order. Take the time to deal with these details as they are necessary to manage our households and our lives.
When trying to manage your children’s lives across two households it is helpful to keep one family calendar that both parents (and nanny if one is involved in your children’s lives) can view and manage as needed. With a online shared calendar, this way each parent can work off the same understanding of where the children are each day as well as keeping everything straight in terms of school and extracurricular activities.
What this actually means is that you define which home your children will go to every day after school and where they will spend the majority of their days during the summer. The reason this can be helpful is that it provides consistency for the children on a daily basis…as well as for their friends…to know where they will be each day.
The goal as you are going through your divorce is to try to continue a co-parenting relationship with your ex-husband that focuses on your children...as you will be co-parenting with him for years to come.
One important point in terms of co-parenting is to always try to back each other up…when it comes to decisions you have jointly made about raising your children.
Wherever your children are staying should feel like their home. If there is way to have familiar family mementos at both homes (e.g. family photos or children’s artwork) at both locations, it helps each house to truly feel like “home” for your children.
It is helpful to define how you want to handle entering each other’s homes…such as when your children need something from the home. If your children are young, then you may need to help them in collecting items… if the other parent is not home. Obviously, older children can go in and get what they need from the house.
It can be helpful to figure out with your ex-husband how you want to handle going through the laundry list of points that you may need to discuss regarding your children. This could be a weekly or monthly call (or e-mail). Either way could work...the focus should be on ensuring you are communicating (and discussing as needed) in a productive manner all topics related to your children.
There are a wide range of points to think through relating to your parenting approach. If you can define and align these points up front, it can help to maintain a consistent approach to parenting your children in both homes.